That's Impossible!!

A couple of days ago I was about to head out for an 8 mile walk. Before my walk I was chatting with my 13 year old daughter. We were having a great conversation so I was procrastinating a little to delay my walk.

Out of the blue Clara asked me a question. Lately she's asking a ton of great questions. It's actually been fun to see her brain developing. She's a bit of a skeptic and questions everything (wonder where she gets that from). But this question, this seemingly innocent question, sent me on a mental journey.

The back story..in April I began to work for a local non-profit, Habitat for Hope, that is a committed group of volunteers and staff who work to form community around families who have traveled to the mid-south to receive medical care for their children. It is a joy to work with this team of people and I've met some incredible families who face incomprehensible difficulty on a daily basis. As an organization, Habitat for Hope, offers services at no cost to families and is reliant on the generosity of others to cover the cost of these services. Also each staff person is responsible to individually raise support for his or her salary.

Which brings us to the conversation with Clara. The reason I'm about to head out to walk 8 miles is that I'm training for and walking a half-marathon to raise $$ for Habitat for Hope. I'm very excited about the race I'm walking because it happens to be in Ohio where our family lived for 12 years. A few friends are joining me walking/running this race to help raise $$ for Habitat for Hope. How cool is that?

Clara and I were talking about the half-marathon and she asked me the question, the dreaded question. "How much are you trying to raise?" I hesitated in answering her question. When I told her the amount. She asked a follow-up question. "How much have you raised?" (She might make a great reporter or lawyer one day). When I gave her the answer, she exclaimed..."THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!!"

You know...she's right. It is impossible.

Of course this conversation happened right before I walked out the door to walk 8 miles. So, for over two+ hours I had a chance to think about and wrestle with these words, "that's impossible". However, I'm so thankful that earlier that morning I had read this post by a friend.

Because here is the bottom line as stated by my friend, Brad, "when we walk with Jesus – NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE!"

Am I tempted to give up? YES
Am I tempted to get discouraged? YES
Am I tempted to worry and fret? YES
Is my faith as small as a mustard seed? YES

How desperately I want Clara and the rest of my children to know that following Jesus doesn't mean that we live a safe, comfortable, secure, pew-sitting, have-it-all figured out life. It means that we follow Jesus!!! Wherever He leads!!! And more often than not, where He leads us is impossible.

So for the next few weeks...I'm walking!!

Laying Down the Law

Yesterday I was driving to work when my son told me there are three things you shouldn't do when driving a car.

# 1 - Eat a sandwich
#2 - Feed your animal
#3 - Put on your make-up

He said this to me while I was at a stoplight putting on my make-up. I thought it was pretty funny!!

And she spews...

As I start to type I wonder where I am heading. Can I be honest? Will I be honest? Or, will I simply settle for typing a few words designed to fill the screen and continue this blog on its merry little way. A better question might be, "Is it possible for me to even convey what is in my heart and in my mind?"

They say that it's easier to say things to a computer than to a real person. For me that isn't true. I usually can share what I'm thinking pretty easily face to face. Also, I have spent the vast majority of my life with a phone growing out of my ear. Sometimes it's harder for me to type because I want to be eloquent. And, when you type something it's in black and white. It's more difficult to say that I didn't say that.

See...I'm dragging my feet to even begin. Here goes...

Today has just been a tough day. When I woke up I felt anxious and tense. Having coffee with my daughter Hannah did nothing to ease that tension. If anything it might have added to the mountain of dread that seemed to be weighing heavily on me. That might have had something to do with her trying to print an essay she spent hours working on and realizing her computer was dead AND her charger suddenly wasn't working. For the love of Pete and it wasn't even 6:15 am. That should be illegal!!

Finally she left, thanking the good Lord that my laptop cord works on her laptop. (Crazy thing is her laptop cord doesn't work on my laptop...strange).

After she left I sat in my sun room staring mindlessly out the window drinking...coffee, lots of coffee. Like that's going to settle my rattled nerves.

My amazing, wonderful, hunky husband came into the sun room around 7:30 to say he was heading out the door for work. Truthfully I cannot even remember what he said, but I can remember the deer in the headlights look as all the tension mounting up inside of me spewed forth into a stream of emotion and verbiage.

Yuck. I hate spewing!! Really I do.

And as I'm spewing I'm wondering, "What in the world is wrong with me?" My husband had said, nor done anything to deserve such spewage. Handsome hubby with his backpack on ready to walk out the door looked quite confused. Gotta love him though...he put the backpack on the floor and pulled up a chair.

Truth is buried behind the bravado of faith and trust lurks the ugliness of fear and inadequacy. And doubt and discouragement knock on my door on a daily basis. Sometimes the knock is quiet and I ignore it. Sometimes it is more persistent and I open the door just so I can peek out to see who it is. When I try to close the door, they stick their foot in the door.

Today, these unwelcome guests broke down the door, came in, sat down and made themselves at home. They settled in. Evidently they were planning to stay a while.

Why today?

Who knows.

What I do know is this...it is just a part of the journey. When you commit to follow Jesus it will not be easy. Period.

More on this later...